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cye27
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read my profile
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Name: Charlotte
Country: Ireland
Birthday: 7/27/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: none...being a Nerd?! Hanging out w/ crazy ppl.
Expertise: "Nerdiness"....
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/3/2003
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| There are things in this world that we don't speak of...
We're not trained to handle the worst situations. We're told to be prepared, and we ARE prepared, but never do we have to face it...
Now. Now it's happening. The worst scenario. I always hear how when it comes, people show their true ugly side. I can see it and it hurts. That pain, worse than piercing through my heart with a sword. Those words, sharp and precise...
I never experienced this pain. No matter how many times I experienced failed relationships with anyone, add them up together and they still can't compare to this. People say the more you love a person, the more you can get damaged by him/her. I do love you, the love cannot be explained, it's bigger than anything, it's forever. Yet I know what you are capable of - you can destroy us.
Who am I? What "role" shall I take in this scene? I'm trying my best to control the damage, or to prevent another full-blown "bloodshed". Am I too harsh to describe this as a "bloodshed"? At least I know how to prevent physical damage, or at least I'm taught how to repair the damage. But this......I have no answer, no plan, no management.
I'm scared. For once in my life do I feel threatened, by my loved ones. I'm terrified. I want to runaway from all this drama, to be a coward. I'm lost. We're facing to be destroyed, damaged....
This affects you more than me and I can only be a supportive image. Therefore I want you to know that I'm here, no matter what happens, I'm here. I love you and if it means I have to get stabbed in my heart, I'm willing to. I'll easily give up my life for you. Coz that's what we do right?
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| ok the truth is, i spent 408 euros on vday. went shopping alone since i have no valentine...window shopping turned into a shopping spree. vday is really a terrible day. i got home at 6pm & was exhausted, but still managed to study abit then had dinner. now im falling asleep.
my last strike was really a last strike. after the shopping i felt so much better about my "feelings". as i've decided before, im giving up. it's not that hard...not anymore - i've been through too many failed pursues. for me, it's just another bad day.
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| 2 Seconds. I think of you every 2 Seconds.
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| it's been too long since I last written here. i never had the time nor
the energy to gather myself & write/type. now...NOW i have the
time...but not the energy. it's fascinating how much time has gone by
& my life is still...so boring. u would think that after 2 months,
i'd have something interesting to write about...or maybe i've changed
my views on life & shit...but nope, nothing even close to a change.
well i guess the happiest thing that happened recently was a visit from
one of my bestest friend B. He was only here for 2 days but he reminded
me of how boring my life was & how grateful i am to have him as a
friend. I had loads of fun & he had loads of sleep too!
another thing im happy about is my sister & daddy grew 1 yr older!
happy birthday to both of them! Cassy, i DID plan on calling u but u
reached me first! Hope u had a great day & oh i read ur xanga, that
wasnt a very complete diary of ur bday! it's so good that finally
there's someone in our family who's in her 20's!
im doing my psych rotation now. it's not so fun. it's very different i
must say, but not fun. it's not boring, just not fun. i cant get myself
together to study or to prepare for psych, there's so much reading to
do & im not up for it. im just not excited about it. there are too
many people who are troubled, who doesn't even know that they're
troubled. the worst thing is, no one can help them. coz in psych, there
is no complete cure.
i know im being really bitter, i've become really bitter...AND cynical.
one thing i dont wanna be is cynical...esp towards the patients, coz im
supposed to trust every word they say - but the ugly truth is, no
patient is honest. i dont wanna be bitter either - coz in a hospital
setting, the last thing i wanna be is bitter. it's supposed to be a
place where "hope" plays an important role. but nowadays, all i can be
is bitter & cynical. it's sad.
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| Ok...really dont have time to write so many entries...so here's a quick
one coz i think i need to "express" my inner fears...ahhaha!!
I had a really frightening encounter today. The story begins like any
other - an ordinary day with lectures & work. So I came home &
took a nap. (It was a long "nap" too...ahah!) I fell asleep &
started dreaming. In my dream I was at my friends place & he just
bought 2 cats & a dog. (Yea I know it's abit far-stretched, but
it's a DREAM!!) The dog is a black Bulldog. I sat on the sofa &
suddenly the dog just jumped right onto me! It started hitting me,
scratching me & kicking me...somehow it even started throwing
things at me! (But it was on top of me the whole time...) I couldnt
move, started struggling but just couldnt move at all. Then I cried for
help - out loud, but no one came to my rescue. I was thinking to myself
at that time "why isnt my friend responding to me??!?!" Then I started
to suffocate - for real, I couldnt breathe at all. I seriously thought
I was going to die. Then suddenly, I woke up, gasping for breath. I was
really out of breath...like someone was trying to choke me. Took me a
while to recover...then I fell back asleep...ahaha! I was kinda freaked
out actually...coz I've never been this "out of breath" before. It
wasn't like after running 500 meters - it was like someone held me
underwater & suddenly releasing me.
I told my friend about this & he suggested 2 possibilities:
1. I have "sleep apnoea". Which is when someone stops breathing during
sleep. But that usually occurs in obese people...& I'm not that
"fat" right?!
2. I know this is a more unrealistic explanation - I had an encounter with "something" not too human.
I'd want to believe that it was physiological in origin. But I guess anything can happen. Soo...hm...anymore suggestions??
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